


it might be okay, but I'm not fine at all

by rocketshiptospace



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-05
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-22 13:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/913786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Gavin's honest, he can't even pinpoint the exact moment everything went to shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it might be okay, but I'm not fine at all

**Author's Note:**

> my personal love life is kind of being shit right now, so i was in the mood to write some sads. so there ya go, mavin divorce fic. titel from taylor switft's all too well. which is also in a playlist based on this fic, which you can find here: http://8tracks.com/elliejz/i-might-be-ok-but-i-m-not-fine-at-all

If Gavin's honest, he can't even pinpoint the exact moment everything went to shit.

It had been a long time coming, he thinks. The fights got worse, the name calling became more and more serious, it took longer for them to make up after a really bad fight.

He still never thought it would come to his, though. He's currently in their, no _Michael's_ house, packing his last stuff. Michael is not there, not that Gavin had expected him to be. The reason he had given him a heads up of his coming in the first place was because he knew Michael wouldn't be home then and Gavin really really doesn't want him to be.

It brings back to many memories.

He continues packing. Most things he's leaving behind. He already has a new apartment with brand new furniture, all he needs is his clothes and some of his personal belongings that still litter the apartment.

That's kind of the problem he is facing right now: his stuff is literally everywhere. Michael had obviously left everything in the exact same place as three weeks ago, when Gavin ran out after Michael had told him he wanted a divorce.

In those three weeks he was staying at the Ramsey's house, trying to talk sense into Michael, who wouldn't budge: a week after he had left the divorce papers landed on the mat.

Those same divorce papers were lying on the kitchen table now, Gavin planning on mailing them as soon as he left this house.

He picked up a few shirt and dumped them into the bag he had brought with him. Sorting out clothes was slowly turning out to be a pain in the butt, because over the years, Michael and Gavin's clothes had gotten insanely mixed up and half of the time Gavin couldn't even tell if the shirt he was holding up was his or Michael's.

Plus the fact that everything smells distinctly like _Michael_ and _home_ and it's making him feel sick in the stomach, thinking about how they lost it all.

Once done with the clothes, only taking everything that he knows hundred percent sure is his (which turns out not to be much) he moves on to the rest of the room, emptying out his night stand to see if there's anything he wants to take with him.

Most of it is bullshit, things like tissues and a book and a flashlight and _oh, so there did his toothbrush go._ But the last thing that falls out is the creeper necklace Michael had given him so many years ago and he has to suck in a breath to not start crying then and there.

He remembers when he Michael gave it to him, long before they started dating, just smiled at him as he handed it to him, saying things like _'team nice dynamite forever'_ and ' _fuck yeah michael gavin'._

And Gavin would wear the necklace as much as he could (because sometimes he would lose it in his room and it would take a little while before he found it back and on those days of him not wearing the necklace Michael's eyes always looked a little sadder compared to normal) and Michael would always wear his, proudly showcasing it to anyone willing to look.

Gavin remembers their first kiss, when their necklaces had tangled together and Michael had whispered "See, it's destiny." and Gavin had laughed at him, pecking his nose and mumbling something along the lines of 'you're an idiot'.

Over the years the necklace broke a few times, but Gavin would always fix it. He looks at the necklace right now and sees the lock is broken. He can't remember when he stopped fixing it.

He sighs and places the necklace in the bag nonetheless. He moves on, wandering into the living room to pick up his stuff there.

Rummaging through the drawers of the cabinet that stands next to their couch, he finds an old framed picture of him and Michael. It's taken on their first official date, by Geoff. He had taken the picture shortly after Michael had picked Gavin up to go for dinner. They have their backs turned to the camera, but you can see that they're smiling at each other and their hands are brushing against each other, not yet touching.

Gavin remembers their first date all too well: the secret smiles they would keep sending each other, the sometimes slightly awkward conversation, them getting used to this new layer in their relationship, after being best friends for so long.

And Gavin remembers the kiss afterwards, not their first, but they hadn't had enough kisses to be exactly ace at it, so their noses bumped together and Michael had said that it was Gavin's fault because 'he was the one with the big ass nose'. Gavin had just laughed and kissed him again, this time without any nose bumping.

Gavin stares at the picture for awhile, wondering when it moved from its spot on top of the cabinet into a dusty drawer neither of them ever looked in.

He puts the picture in his bag, knowing Michael won't miss it.

He then walks over to their game cabinet, wondering if he's allowed to take any. He's pretty sure he has bought some of these, but he can't remember which ones and to be honest he doesn't really want them, too many memories attached to the little plastic boxes.

Especially when he pulls out their (and now Michael's) copy of worms.

The plastic looks beaten up, probably from all the times Michael has flung the game at his head, and he knows that if he takes out the disc there would be an awful lot of scratches on it from all the times they've played it.

It was during a game of this specific game that Michael suggested they should move in together. It was in their, _Michael's,_ old apartment, and Gavin had just stared at him for awhile before he was capable of answering.

And he said yes, of course he said yes, because he couldn't imagine anyone other than Michael to spend the rest of his live with (he still can't and the thought alone scares the shit out of him) and the first few months of living together were horrible because they weren't used to another person around, but in the end it all turned out fine.

Gavin would give up gaming for the rest of his life if he just could go back to when everything was still ok.

He places the game back on the shelf.

Upon taking one last glance around the living room to see if he has everything, he spots the old blanket his mother made them for Christmas a few years back.

By now the patchwork blanket has paled and is ruffled at the ends from all the use, but the memories that stick to the damn thing are brighter than anything.

The amount of times they've fallen asleep on the couch under this blanket, snuggled together, Michael's head resting on Gavin's chest, and waking up with pain in their backs but happy smiles on their faces.

Or all the times Gavin stayed up waiting for Michael, who was still at work and would eventually fall asleep on the couch, waking up with the blanket thrown over him, lovingly tucked in.

Or all the times they had gotten in a fight and one of them was forced to sleep on the couch because the other refused to let him sleep in the bed.

Gavin quickly grabs the blanket and stuffs it in his bag. His mother made it, after all.

The last room he has to check is the kitchen. He walks in there and rummages the cupboards, not really sure what exactly he is looking for.

Eventually he comes across one of their old 'team nice dynamite' mugs. He remembers all those mornings him and Michael spend drinking from those mugs, faces sleepy, hair disheveled, sending each other sleepy smiles over plates filled with bacon and eggs.

The mug Gavin is currently holding is missing an ear, from that one time Michael got so mad he threw it at the wall. He places the mug back on the shelf and closes the cupboard.

He sits down at the kitchen table with a sigh and looks around the room one last time, taking in the place that was his home for so long. His hands automatically start playing with his wedding ring and when he realizes this he quickly takes it off and places it on the table before him.

The simple golden band just lies there, like it's mocking him. He remembers his wedding day more vividly than anything else. The ceremony, the party afterwards, Michael's face when they said 'I do'.

And most of all he remembers Michael's vows, promises about forever and till death do us apart and 'we're team nice dynamite, Gav, we can do anything'. The promises all sound insanely empty right now.

He abruptly stands up and grabs his bag, desperately wanting to leave the house and the memories behind. He leaves his wedding ring on the kitchen table.

\--

When he arrives at the door, the thing suddenly swings open and reveals Michael standing on the other side.

"Oh." Is all Gavin can say.

Michael looks at him and bites his lip. "Shit, I had assumed you were already gone."

Gavin shakes his head. "Don't apologize. I should've already been gone. It is your house, after all." The words sound foreign on his tongue and Michael flinches slightly.

"Yeah, my house.."

There's an awkward silence between them in which they sort of just _stare_ at each other.

Gavin's the one to break the silence. "I should, ehm..." He mumbles, holding up the divorce papers.

Michael nods and steps aside so Gavin can pass. "I, yeah, ehm, bye, Gavin."

Gavin turns to him and smiles weakly. "Bye, Michael."

Michael is about to close the door when Gavin stops him. "Wait, Michael, one more thing."

Michael looks at him with sadness in his eyes and Gavin waves the divorce papers around. "Are you sure?"

And this is it, this is their last chance, if Michael says 'no' right now, they can change everything, they can work it out, they will be fine, all he has to say is no.

Michael's face is showing millions of emotions, from sad to angry to confused, but eventually settles on determination. "Yes, Gavin, I am sure."

Gavin nods and walks away, not once looking back, the bag that is slung over his shoulder, filled with his stuff and their memories getting heavier with every step.

\--

(Years later, when Gavin has started seeing his new apartment as home and doesn't miss Michael (as much) anymore, he gets a card in the mail.

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of_

_Michael Jones and Lindsay Tuggey_

He has no idea why Michael has felt the need to send him this, probably to rub in that he has moved on, maybe to let Gavin know he's still alive.

Gavin doesn't care and doesn’t cry over it. He ran out of tears an awful long time ago. He just tosses the card in trash and goes back to watching Doctor Who reruns.)

 


End file.
